Side Effects

I had to do a double-take at the container in my hand. I must have just picked up someone else’s god-awful concoction of metal and bitter aspirin tannins and taken a giant drink. But the tumbler in my hand was mine. A Father’s Day gift that has proven the test of time — who in their right mind would spend this much money on a goddamn cup? — and is almost always by side.

“Chemo side effects can make things taste funny, or awful.” This bit of advice came to mind as I realized that water, just plain water, had taken on a new context in my life. It was no longer refreshing, it was a chore. Chemo is hard on the kidneys. To help them out, I was to drink a lot of water. This was a dilemma.

I knew side effects were coming. I know more, different ones, are probably yet to come. I was hoping against hope that I might be the One, the Glitch in the Matrix, that managed to avoid them. It turns out, I’m not that special.

Along with the new water tasting feature, I’ve developed an empathy for chronic headache sufferers everywhere. I’ve never been the kind to get headaches, but I’m making up for it now. When this all first started, the headaches kind of came and went with the breeze. Like butterflies in the wind, here for a minute or two, and then gone. This pounder has moved in behind my eyes with a giant recliner and is auditioning for my 600-Pound Life. At this point I’m going to have to give it a name.

Where do we go from here?