Radiation Day 31. Chemo week 6 of 7.
Since November 17th, my life has been ruled by cancer. Preparing for treatments, fundraising, scrambling to find insurance, treatments, side effects, etc. As I near the end of the treatment phase of this journey, mixed feelings have emerged.
I will have to find a new way to fill my days. There’s only so much streaming I can watch, Wordle I can play, and naps I can take. During the first few weeks of recovery, the only thing that will really change, at least as far as my schedule is concerned, is the five-days-a-week treatments. I’ll still be immunocompromised, weak, and fatigued. And now with even less activity!
In a weird way I’m going to miss the daily radiation routine. Giving the technicians my full name and birthdate each and every time, even though we are close compatriots by now. The daily zen practice of strapping into the tomotherapy machine, head restrained in the rigid plastic mask, was therapeutic, in a weird way. Maybe I’ll try those sensory-deprivation floatation tanks that people on the west coast have been talking about for ever.
I’m also going to miss the weekly chemo days. It was my “spa-day” in another cruel twist, almost an entire day focused on my wellness and health. I’ve got to find another way to incorporate that self-focused wellness into my routine. I think we all do.